It’s hard to know where to start with this review because there’s so much I violently disliked about this film. It’s not so much that it’s bad, it’s more that it’s wrong. And bad.
Forgetting for a second that the premise makes no sense (which they try to make us do by a gratuitous but welcome scene of a shirtless Henry Cavill making breakfast) then you still have to deal with the ridiculous music, the blinding flashes of light (every few minutes) which made the film even harder to watch, and the ‘Batfleck’.
I’m not a Ben Affleck fan, and I wasn’t happy with the casting announcement, but I was hoping he’d prove me wrong. He didn’t. Having built himself up for the part he looks padded rather than muscular in the bat-suit, lacks any charm as Bruce Wayne and, simply put, he’s just such a dick!
I’m assuming Ben was going for ‘tortured and world-weary’ but his performance seriously misses the mark.
I love Batman, from Adam West to Christian Bale and every incarnation in between, yes, even Clooney & Kilmer! but halfway through, I found myself hoping he’d crash the Batmobile into a building and have done with it.
Also ‘halfway through’ is when the film should have started. It’s far too long, but the third quarter is by far the best.
There were a couple of redeeming features: I liked Jeremy Irons as Alfred, although there didn’t feel like there was enough of an age difference between him and Bruce Wayne and Gal Godot’s Wonder Woman was OK, if a little bit skinny for an Amazonian. The final fight scene is pretty cool, once the rambling narrative manages to get there, and cinema-sized Henry Cavill is always a sight to behold, in and out of his suit.
But overall, I hated it. Lex Luthor Junior? (even this isn’t clear) is an annoying Riddler hybrid, there are pointless and confusing dream sequences thrown in for God only knows what reason, even the usually excellent Amy Adams as Lois looks like she doesn’t know what she’s supposed to be doing. Then there’s Henry. It hurts me to say this because he’s so damn pretty, and displays a lot more personality and skill in other roles, but there’s not a lot going on behind those baby blues – ‘brooding’ comes across as bland.
And, SPOILER ALERT! – why the hell couldn’t Superman just find his mother himself?! Rescuing people all around the world is literally what he does, he finds whoever is in trouble, flies in and saves the day, he doesn’t need to send in Batman – were we really supposed to ignore that plot canyon?!
I’ll stop now because I’m getting angry again.
Suffice to say this is one film I won’t be watching again. Ever.
1 and half stars, and I’m being generous.